Just kidding. I'm fine.
I'll start out by saying that I enjoy what I believe. Sometimes it is scary as hell, such as estimating morality and what happens next. But I find comfort in the future, and knowing that I'll be doing something productive. Also, I'd like to say that I don't feel as if I'm missing something that others have, or that I'm on a 'religious hiatus'. I'm 99% sure I'm gone for good, the 1% is realistic doubt. Because I can't say for sure I'll maintain my beliefs, but I feel pretty confident that I'm here to stay.
I'm going to rewrite my religious upbringing story.
So, my whole family is fairly religious, save my mother, father, and step-father. All of who I can't pin a specific religious affiliation on. My Grandmother on my Dad's side of the family attend church regularly. My cousins on the same side also attend on a regular basis. On my Mom's side are 'church people' whom don't go to a specific church, but they're certainly Christian.
Growing up, I was Christian. Someone could ask me "what religion are you" and I'd say "uhh, Christian?" I mean, I didn't think there was anything else. My parents taught me to be a thinker, question things, and they never spoonfed me religion. But I went to church with my Grandma because it was fun, I got to eat crackers and drink juice, and church people know how to cook a meal. I swear to god, some of the best/most food I've ever had was at that church. Yet, that's still not as relevant to my unspiritual 'enlightenment'. My great-grandmother (Mom's Grandmother) also used to believe that I was Christ reincarnated. Namely because I as a child I was very Christlike. I like to think I was a nice and innocent kid. There was a time in elementary where my teacher called my mom sobbing, because she was so suprised that I played with the ELL / Special ed kid that no one else played with. In all actuality, I never cared who I played with... as long as I had someone.
So that was my life, I considered myself Christian. I 'accepted' god, heard Jesus' stories and lived my life. I never really thought about it again until 8th grade. At the beginning of the year, my Humanities class did 'prehistory' and my teacher made us write a few paragraphs describing how we got here. I'd never really thought about it, and told my teacher "I don't know, I don't really think about it" and she said "You have to believe something, so write it"... Angry, I walked off and wrote what was a hybrid of evolution and creation. Looking back, I think I was stupid. Anyways, so I left it at that. Also, my political status was republican. I didn't pay attention to anything, but I knew for certain that I was republican and I'd vote for any 'ole republican. Now, 9th grade really sparked a momentous time in my life (keep in mind, I was the only one who really liked George W. Bush). We were doing "This I Believe" which was a NPR series from the 50's and we were supposed to create our own.
So, I did. And I looked at some of the ones in their archives. Also, my history teacher said something to the affect of "If you want to check out a cool atheist, check out Penn Gillete" and I was like "Well, what's an Atheist?" After figuring it out, reevaluating everything... I had the epiphany that, maybe there isn't a god. Now, sadly I don't have a very long 'coming out' story, nor was I suddenly met with anger and hostility. Which makes this story a bit less interesting. However, even after these few years, after presenting the basis of my ideas... people still say most of the same things. I don't argue it most of the time. Unless I'm really bored and feel like manipulating people.
Most of the 'enlightenment' stories I've read from other Christian -> Atheists undergo a internal fight with themselves. Which, I can only imagine how hard it would be to go from dedication to... nothing. It's like having everything you believed pulled out from underneath you. Yet, I never faced any of these feelings or emotions. I just, wasn't a dedicated enough Christian... and when I heard that there was such a thing as disbelief. I just, changed.
However, I think that in the future people will be saying things like "they believed in what?!" It's just a hypothesis, but you get the picture.
